The Mommy Affect: 2015

Here’s a look at the post that sparked the ‘Mommy Affect Series’ as we countdown to Mother’s Day.

This week we will share stories from Tallistas about the impact their mothers had on their ‘height confidence’ and ‘height experience’ growing up. You will also get to hear from their moms as they share their perspective on what it was like raising a tall daughter.

—————————————————————————————————————-

TALL MOMMY AFFECT POST from October 2015.Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)

I recently watched a documentary by  Edda Baumann – Von Broen called ‘Tall Girls‘ for the second time. Watching the documentary made me recount memories of my own ‘TALL experience’ as well as those of tall women I have styled. The common factor between us was that our mothers (positive or negative) had a lasting impact on our lives.

My styling sessions always begin with a one-on-one deep dive where we discuss image goals, personal branding goals, body type (what clothing is most flattering for their body type), body language, personal color palette, etc. During this process I get to know a lot about my clients. My very first client was 6’2, a former professional athlete turned IT professional. During our one-on-one session I realized the power mothers yield over their daughters; how they shape their daughters self-confidence and self-worth. It was the first time I considered the relationship I had with my mother as it related to my height.

My client and I had polar opposite experiences. My mother is 5’10” and she owned every bit of her height. I never once heard her complain or say that she disliked her height. She celebrated it. She owned it. She never apologized for it or slouched. She made sure I didn’t slouch either. She actually made me walk with a book on my head for proper posture (it was quite annoying at the time but I appreciate it now) with heels on. I remember my mom going to work in tailored suits with her briefcase and heels that had to match her clutch. She ran a program for teen mothers. I remember helping with events for teen moms and watching my mom work the room with (in the words of Biggie) style and grace. People loved her. They still do. So my height, while I dealt with jokes and snide remarks throughout my childhood, was a positive attribute to me because of my mothers self confidence. I couldn’t wait to be a business woman who rocked tailored suits and pumps that made my legs look amazing. Also, in my head the boys had a deficiency not me. The boys just needed to catch up and eventually some of them did.

My mom and brothers (1993/1994).

My aunt, mom and I (2012/2013)

Unfortunately, that is not the experience my first client had. Her mother was almost a foot shorter than her. She wanted to be like her mom, a petite woman with an ability to find clothing almost anywhere and an ability to blend in where ever she went. Her mom was the definition of ‘normal’ in her eyes. A definition that did not describe her. As a result, they could not relate to each other. Shopping was a nightmare and her self-esteem was in shambles because of it. Her mom was often apologetic because she felt bad that her daughter was so tall. It didn’t help that none of her friends were as tall as her until later in life thanks to basketball. Whereas my childhood bestie and I, whom I met at 10 years old, were the same height for a while (I’m 2 inches taller now).

Fun Fact: Did you know that girls stop growing by the age of 15/16 while boys stop growing around the age of 20/21?

The documentary Tall Girls really shined a light on the ‘Mommy Affect.’  It highlights the life and experience of young tall girls as well as the author of The TALL Book, Arianne Cohen. What I noticed is that the mother’s confidence, height experience, culture, and word choices (positive or negative) had a lasting impact on their child. There were two young ladies, both 12 years old, that received medical assistance in order to stunt their growth. The young girl from Germany decided to take hormonal injections that was originally created for people with a brain tumor that makes them grow to be extremely tall. This disease (tumor) was actually a hot topic on Grey’s Anatomy 2 weeks ago. By the way, the hormonal injections are not approved for children. Yet her mother, based on her own negative height experience and choice to do the same thing when she was young, allowed her daughter to take the injections. The second young girl from Austria decided to have an operation on her knees to stunt her growth. Both young girls mothers were tall. Both mothers shared negative stories of being told they were not normal, that being tall was a bad thing and they would never find a man. It’s crazy to me how being tall leads to questions about our femininity as if femininity is directly correlated to one’s height. Femininity which is partly defined by society as whether we can find a man to love us. A notion I hope dies like the ‘self confidence killing’ plague it is. A notion that is absurd because the truth is, as I said in the live Periscope recap for this post, a good man is hard to find no matter what height you are.

The young girls (1 – model, NY, 27, 6’2″ / 2– Arianne Cohen – Author, 6’3″ / 3 – high school student, 16, NY, 6’6″) who heard positive things and were treated as ‘normal’ in their families were more confident and comfortable with their height. The mother’s height did play a role. These tall moms, including filmmaker of TALL Girls Edda who is 6’1″, wanted to shield their daughters from the hardships of being a tall girl but did so by finding ways for them to feel normal (sports, activities, etc) and by using positive words. There was one short mom (the mother of the teenager who was 6’6″). She was a confident woman from the Caribbean. She was committed to her child knowing she was loved, beautiful and confident. She even pushed her to play basketball where she was able to meet other tall girls creating a sense of normalcy for her child.

Moms of tall girls you are incredibly important. Your voice, your mannerisms, the way you speak about yourself, and your word choice has a lasting impact on your child. I would love to hear from you. How do you handle the challenges (shopping, teasing, etc) your child faces as a tall girl?

Tallistas, what are your thoughts about the impact mothers have on their tall daughters? Share your stories by leaving a comment below or leave a comment on FB, IG or Twitter.

Also, tune in tonight, Tuesday, October 13th for a live discussion about the Mommy Affect at 9/8c via TALL District’s Periscope and twitter.

   Send article as PDF